Someone elses words are more fitting than my own

"We are spending all our time away from one another. We are coming to a tender age of miracles and robbers. We try to live a life respecting all the animals. Like wind behind the grass in sway, asleep at certain times of day. Don’t turn away looming moon, you’ll have your revenge very soon. Don’t turn away from what you love, soon you’ll be finding it’s much too tough. I have thought of sharing all these different feelings from under covers. May we all turn into the leaves that crack and break apart. And I’m anxious to relieve my mind from desperate thoughts. I hope you remember me always"

-Secret & Whisper-

A little conflicted lately

Well, since Jill and I split, things have been a little crazy. I have picked back up on a lot of things I had stopped doing when we were dating, and it's kinda nice getting back into a groove again. The big issue I seem to be mulling over again and again is the issue of whether or not to keep contact with her. We did get along quite well aside from the differences that drew us apart romantically, and I do in fact still care for her as a person. The thing is, I have never broken up with a girl and been able to stay friends, let alone ever speak to them again. Matter of fact I happen to have a restraining order on the girlfriend prior to Jill. We have spoken a few times since the split, and she has expressed she still wants to be together but I am just not so sure it would work out. I do miss her from time to time, but I feel I miss the way things were before we grew apart rather than missing her in the more recent past. It is inevitable that we each will start talking to and taking an interest in members of the opposite sex, and when I consider that , frankly I don't think I can be comfortable with that regardless of the fact that I myself don't currently wish to be romantically involved with her. I tend to beleive that once you have a strong romantic connection with someone, a small peice of them becomes a part of you and lives in you forever. It's that small peice that I think will hurt if I see her dating again, and I don't know whether or not it would be totally rude or disrespectful to eliminate all contact with her. This issue has been somewhat heavy on my thoughts lately, a few times I have went to delete her on facebook only at the last second to choose not to click the delete button for some unknown reason I feel in my gut. I don't quite know what that means, but I'm trying to figure it out. Is it the best thing for both of us if we just walk away and put everything in the hands of fate? Or do we struggle to deal with each other seeing other people? I feel strongly that everything happens for a reason, and that if something is meant to be it will find a way to be so. So that being said....do I cut all ties and throw my cards into the wind, and if we are in fact meant to be together in the long run our paths will cross once again when the timing is right and we have grown as individuals? I guess only one being knows this answer, and it surely isn't me.

thats all for now. until next time
_nick