So, after some rather deep conversation something struck a bit of a chord within me. The discussion was about the differences between Truth, Brutal Honesty, and Downright Rudeness.
It became immediately apparent that the lines that separate these three things are not only thin, but very grey. It ends up being more dependant on the person on the receiving end; that is to say how easily upset they are and how apt they are to letting someone hurt their feelings.
Each person has thier own perception of what is truth, what is brutal honesty, and what is rude.
The issue, is that not everyone's perception of these is the same......so who's perception is the right one? Is anyone's?
So after sleeping and thinking about this some more, I find myself wondering just how many other situations this applies to. How many lines are we each walking on a daily basis? hourly? every minute? every second?
I find myself wanting to ask people what they consider the difference to be between truth, brutal honesty, and rudeness now that this topic has come up....and maybe after that, I'll find some other "lines" to poll about.
Sometimes I really just think as a society we have all grown too "soft"....that we have all come to a point where we are so concerned with all the opinions besides our own that what other people think is capable of hurting our feelings so easily. We have evloved into a "bleeding heart society" and now governments, agencys, committees, etc. all create "rules" and "regulations" and "standards" to "protect" everyone's feelings. We are censored; forced to comform.....to be "politically correct".
It is rediculous......what happened to being able to be yourself? If I hurt someone's feelings....who's fault is it?
Is it my fault for saying it? Is it yours for caring what I think?
What if someone asks me a question, and at the end of the question says 'be honest'.....and I say something honest, but it is inherently a put-down? Am I at fault if I hurt their feelings? or can they value my honesty and accept it? afterall, they asked for my honesty right?
So what about you? Do you live your life expecting everyone to have something nice to say all the time? Do you like everything to come with a grain of salt, or a grain of sugar? Maybe there is no right answer, maybe it all depends on context....but what then, can be standardized?
There-in lies the beauty of human interaction.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Analyzing myself a bit....
So recently I have been talking with a couple close friends about their relationship issues (I'm everyone's favorite 'friend-to-confide-in') and it somewhat made me realize a lot about myself. (I actually enjoy having deep conversations about life's battles and do not mind being everyone's go-to-guy BTW) It's funny how you sometimes don't realize certain things about yourself until you are speaking with a friend about your experiences to try to help them wrap their head around their own problems.
What I have realized, is that I just plain don't beleive in the traditional concept of dating.
The traditional way goes something like this:
Two people meet, act a certain way to impress each other, do fancy things to demonstrate "value", decide to date exclusively, give up a bunch of other things in their lives to spend time together, and then from there they slowly alienate their friends and family until they either break up or get married(afterall, those are really the only two outcomes of a relationship).....and if they break up they each somewhat "run back" to their friends for sympathy and try to re-kindle the things they let suffer.
I strongly disagree with this process. I have come to realize that I quite like my life the way it is when I am single. I play by my own rules, attend to all my hobbies, and have strong relationships with my best of friends. I am almost always in a great mood unless I am ill. Overall, I am more productive, and less stressed.
The thing that kills me with relationships, is that I have noticed this "trend" of after about 4-6 months of serious dating it seems females feel that they should be the single most important aspect of their significant other's daily life. They get upset when their boyfriend wants to go have guys nights, hang out and watch sports games with their friends, spend time on a hobby, etc. I honestly have yet to meet a girl that does not apply to this analysis. Why are we expected to allow all of the other parts of our lives suffer in favor of catering to a female's need for constant validation? In my opinion, what makes the human race so great is that we are all such different people despite the fact that on a molecular level we are the same. Each one of us has our own hobbies, interests, values, etc. Why can't we just appreciate that about each other? In my opinion, there should be just as much quality time APART as quality time TOGETHER. Now I am not saying I think that someone should literally not change anything about the way the live their life to accomodate a relationship, I just think the extent of the expectations that seem to exist in society are way out of line. It is all too rare to have a friend who's girlfriend doesn't give him a hard time about regularly spending time with his friends (who have been around much longer that her and have probably influenced his life a great deal more), let alone ENCOURAGE free time apart.
I would hope that I can meet someone who is very independant much like I am, someone with her own group of friends that she spends time with regularly, someone with their own career and goals established, someone driven, someone with hobbies of their own,etc. I think the best thing would be to have to people that can grow together yet keep in touch with their friends and continue to indulge in their hobbies and dreams without it negatively affecting the other person. Is this too much to ask? I don't think so... and honestly I feel the odds are in my favor, because from a statistics standpoint their are more women then men in the world.....so I think I can afford to be a bit more picky than a female.
What I have realized, is that I just plain don't beleive in the traditional concept of dating.
The traditional way goes something like this:
Two people meet, act a certain way to impress each other, do fancy things to demonstrate "value", decide to date exclusively, give up a bunch of other things in their lives to spend time together, and then from there they slowly alienate their friends and family until they either break up or get married(afterall, those are really the only two outcomes of a relationship).....and if they break up they each somewhat "run back" to their friends for sympathy and try to re-kindle the things they let suffer.
I strongly disagree with this process. I have come to realize that I quite like my life the way it is when I am single. I play by my own rules, attend to all my hobbies, and have strong relationships with my best of friends. I am almost always in a great mood unless I am ill. Overall, I am more productive, and less stressed.
The thing that kills me with relationships, is that I have noticed this "trend" of after about 4-6 months of serious dating it seems females feel that they should be the single most important aspect of their significant other's daily life. They get upset when their boyfriend wants to go have guys nights, hang out and watch sports games with their friends, spend time on a hobby, etc. I honestly have yet to meet a girl that does not apply to this analysis. Why are we expected to allow all of the other parts of our lives suffer in favor of catering to a female's need for constant validation? In my opinion, what makes the human race so great is that we are all such different people despite the fact that on a molecular level we are the same. Each one of us has our own hobbies, interests, values, etc. Why can't we just appreciate that about each other? In my opinion, there should be just as much quality time APART as quality time TOGETHER. Now I am not saying I think that someone should literally not change anything about the way the live their life to accomodate a relationship, I just think the extent of the expectations that seem to exist in society are way out of line. It is all too rare to have a friend who's girlfriend doesn't give him a hard time about regularly spending time with his friends (who have been around much longer that her and have probably influenced his life a great deal more), let alone ENCOURAGE free time apart.
I would hope that I can meet someone who is very independant much like I am, someone with her own group of friends that she spends time with regularly, someone with their own career and goals established, someone driven, someone with hobbies of their own,etc. I think the best thing would be to have to people that can grow together yet keep in touch with their friends and continue to indulge in their hobbies and dreams without it negatively affecting the other person. Is this too much to ask? I don't think so... and honestly I feel the odds are in my favor, because from a statistics standpoint their are more women then men in the world.....so I think I can afford to be a bit more picky than a female.
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