No News is Good News?

Well, I remembered I had a blog recently and realized it has been a long time since I found a chance to get on here and write a little bit. I re-read some old blogs and enjoyed remembering the times I wrote them, and feel the need to somewhat get this up to speed with current times. I've just been so busy living life that I haven't had time to talk about it! I guess in this case, no news is good news...... I'll start with the positives and work my way into the negative situation I'm currently losing sleep and appetite over(yes, it's a female) Anyways, so that promotion I kept getting promised never came through....BUT! a co-worker that took the same civil service test as me for the job I had, got a canvas letter from the Town of Cheektowaga.....and it was for almost double the pay for the same job title! I didn't get the letter because I was already holding that title for Erie County.....long story short I made some phonecalls, applied for a lateral-move, and somehow pulled it out of my ass and ended up with the job! I love the new gig, I get to stretch my feet a lot more and get involved in WAY more interesting projects. The extra money has been incredible to me, I'm finally financially comfortable and stable. The 1974 Challenger project is all done besides bodywork and paint, I got to drive it last weekend for the first time, and it was a BLAST! My '75 Honda CB550 is pretty close to being finished with my lastest additions/modifications, excited to get back into riding it. Now, the transition from good to sad.... I've been in a relationship with someone incredible for 2 months now.....we have known each other for roughly 3yrs now, and always had this unexplainable chemistry.....too bad when we met she had a boyfriend, and shortly after I became involved with a girl myself.....fast forward to about 3 months ago...we started making more of an effort to hang out with some mutual friends, as we were both single for about 8 months to a year....and we just kind of fell right into a groove and started dating. It was amazing, exactly the way a relationship should be.....we weren't attached at the hip, spent time with friends seperately, and enjoyed spending time together regarless of the activities. Dare I say perfect..... TRANSITION: Last thursday, she said she needed to talk about something that had been bothering her a couple days.....I had no idea the bomb that was about to get dropped in my lap. Things were TOO GOOD, frightening to her....she felt like she wanted to run, unsure of whether or not this is what she wants in the longrun. We talked about it, and I thought maybe it would just be a couple days of emotional distance while she thought it over.....but I was WRONG. I left the following morning and have not seen her in 6 days now, and she has only responded to one text message, in a way that made me feel it a bad idea to text again....so now I have not SPOKEN with her in 4 days. I'm a total wreck, I have no idea if we are still together or not. I wish I knew what she was thinking.....or at least whether or not she still IS thinking....if she has made a decision, I'd love to know what it is. I'm doing the best I can to respect her space and not pressure her....I don't want to push her into staying with me and having her resent me for it later. I'm just soooooo confused up until a week ago she would tell me on an almost daily basis how incredibly happy I made her, and now I don't even know how she's doing. I'm barely sleeping, can't stomach a meal, and I've definitely been drinking on weeknights to try to get myself to fall asleep (something I never do). I know that she has seen a LOT of failing/miserable relationships and that she's most likely just terrified of being hurt, but the fact of the matter is that I'm ALREADY hurt now because of this situation. It seems like such a travesty that we have had chemistry for so long, and how I waited all this time to wondering if there could be something between us.....now I know....there's more there than I thought could be. And these 3 yrs could be reduced to what have been the most incredible 8wks I've had. I wish I could just tell her all of this.....but I'm so worried that I could pour all this out to her only to have her respond with not wanting to continue a relationship. I guess writing this is really my only way to vent these feelings. Chances are, no one will have read all this anyways. I just miss her so much now, and no matter how busy I try to stay, she's always on my mind. It's been so long since I was in a relationship, I had forgotten how terrible a feeling it is when the person you long to connect with seemingly has no desire to have you in their life. I hope I'm wrong, I hope she misses me too...... I'm praying this is also a case of "no news is good news"......

All I hear is "wahhh"

So, I just kind of feel the need to rant a little bit about all of the negativity and complaining I see these days in my browsings of the internet.....

The beauty of living is that everyone has the exact same chance to achieve ANYTHING. It is those that work as hard as they possibly can to strive for those achievements that DESERVE them. It is true that there is a small percentage of people that seem to slip in shit and land in gold, but they will never appreciate what they have nor the work involved.

I see so many people complaining about things not being "easy". Let's not even talk about the fact that "easy" is a relative term.....If achievement were "Easy" and effortless, than everyone would acheive their goals and there would be no reason to feel pride, confidence, appreciation, happiness, etc. It would be expected that you easily attain whatever goals you set for yourself and no one would be there to say "good job" or "you earned it".....without that, where is the merit in doing anything at all?

It even seems to me that the people complaining simply CAUSED their "failures" or bumps in the road entirely on their own and for some reason feel like its proposterous for them to have to deal with the consequences of their own actions. Grow up, man up, and put in the work to get what you want. If you're not willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES, then you do not deserve what you truly want anyways.

Now, I'm not gonna stand on my soapbox and say I've never complained just like I am describing.....but I certainly have learned from making that mistake before. I've learned to be picky, not to settle, and work hard. I'd rather drive my mediocre car I pay for every month than to drive a luxurious car someone else helped me get or paid for. I'd rather have my mediocre little house that needs updates than to have a huge fancy house in a ritzy neighborhood that someone gave me. I'd rather work my bottom-wrung-of-the-ladder job and work my way up the ranks through hard work than to stroll into a cushy high-paying job obtained by knowing the right people or being in a wealthy family-owned business. I take GREAT pride in saying that everything I have is simply becuase I put in the work necessary to have it. I've had help, but I have always gone out of my way to pay back every dollar and every favor I have recieved in any way possible.

When I am in my 40's with a family and everything I ever wanted, I can look back and smile, feeling proud of how I managed to make it there. I know I will die having lived a fulfilling life in my difficult search for happiness. I feel sorry for anyone who cannot say the same....