I have awful trust issues. I also spend a great deal of my time feeling insecure. I just needed to say those two things.

Long time no see...

Wow, it's been nearly three years since I last wrote anything. Do people still do this? do people still read these? I used to think it was constructive to write here all about my life....totally transparent. I find myself here now mostly to reflect and read past entries. It's amazing how life can have waves of optimism and then waves of cynicism. Such a strange journey life is. I guess it's good to look back sometimes and see those patterns...what caused them and where you were....but other times it just makes me think life is just a ride on one big merry-go-round. Things change but everything stays the same. People get on and off, maybe switch seats.... I'm rambling. I think I've noticed I only come back to my blog at the extremes of my emotions, either to wade around in the waters that is my sorrow or to bask in triumph. Looking back at the way my life has gone....seeing patterns....makes me wonder what's really causing similar things to happen over and over.....is it me? Am I doing this to myself? If I am, how? Ignorance truly is bliss. The older you get and the more you try to make something of this life the more stressful and complex it all gets. I miss being a kid. I miss my worries being things as simple as choosing to ride my big-wheel or ride my bike. play with legos or play nintendo. Having a crush on someone. the dark being my biggest fear. Those were the days, man. I turn 29 in about two weeks. Weird. Funny how you spend your teen years trying to figure out what you want to do with your life....you make decisions and lay out all this groundwork....a path.....then you start following it....suddenly you look back and realize maybe you didn't make it as far as you thought in the amount of time you've been going along. Maybe you missed a stop. Lost something along the way. Don't remember where you were heading. You stop, not sure if you should keep going.....you remember this was the way you meant to go....is it still? Maybe it's time to ask for directions.