Trust

I'd like to take a few moments and do a little venting on the topic of trust and honesty. What the hell happened to this virtue? It really is a kick in the nuts these days with how afraid everyone is of honesty. This world has become so P.C. and soft to everyone's feelings that no one can beleive anything someone says to them anymore. What I HATE THE MOST, is when you catch someone in a lie.....and instead of admitting they are caught, they come up with more BS trying to cover up their lie.....especially when you've got PROOF they lied. Now I am a pretty trusting person, but nothing makes me turn my back on someone faster or more remorseless than when someone violates that trust. The fact is, many people don't get along with my friends because they are so honest its pretty brutal sometimes....but honestly(haha) I wouldn't have it any other way. I hate when people sugarcoat things and try to make you feel good.....give it to me straight, if I am doing something stupid or I look rediculous tell me. I'll actually even thank you for it. I do the same to people I actually give a crap about, and people that don't understand thing its rude or mean, but its something me and my friends expect from each other and respect each other FOR. If you look fat in your jeans, I'll tell you. If you look rediculous in the clothes your wearing, I'll tell you to change. If the way you are acting is totally un-warrented I'll tell you.

I'd expect the same from you.

Now, let me be frank....I'm not gonna sit here and say I've never lied.....but when I'm caught in a lie, I fess up and admit it, and take the consequences I deserve. Am I one of the few people that still lives by these standards? I sit here wondering why after all the times I find myself in this situation I am still surprised by it. I guess I can't bring myself to comprimise my values on trust and honesty.....it really just frosts my ass for lack of a better expression.

I only know of one or two people that actually read this thing.....but if you read this and don't know me.....try being moer honest with the people around you, it's pretty rewarding in the long run. If you know me and sugarcoat shit around me....STOP, and even if you don't....tell me when I look or act stupid, I won't get offended....I've got pretty thick skin.

Thanks for listening.

Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me

I didn't go to boarding schools
Preppy girls never looked at me
Why should they I ain't nobody
Got nothing in my pocket

Look at all those movie stars
They're all so beautiful and clean
When the housemaids scrub the floors
They get the spaces in between

I wanna live a life like that
I wanna be just like a king
Take my picture by the pool
Cause I'm the next big thing!

The truth is...I don't stand a chance
Its something that you're born into...
And I just don't belong...

No I don't - I'm just a no class, beat down fool
And I will always be that way
I might as well enjoy my life
And watch the stars play

Someone elses words are more fitting than my own

"We are spending all our time away from one another. We are coming to a tender age of miracles and robbers. We try to live a life respecting all the animals. Like wind behind the grass in sway, asleep at certain times of day. Don’t turn away looming moon, you’ll have your revenge very soon. Don’t turn away from what you love, soon you’ll be finding it’s much too tough. I have thought of sharing all these different feelings from under covers. May we all turn into the leaves that crack and break apart. And I’m anxious to relieve my mind from desperate thoughts. I hope you remember me always"

-Secret & Whisper-

A little conflicted lately

Well, since Jill and I split, things have been a little crazy. I have picked back up on a lot of things I had stopped doing when we were dating, and it's kinda nice getting back into a groove again. The big issue I seem to be mulling over again and again is the issue of whether or not to keep contact with her. We did get along quite well aside from the differences that drew us apart romantically, and I do in fact still care for her as a person. The thing is, I have never broken up with a girl and been able to stay friends, let alone ever speak to them again. Matter of fact I happen to have a restraining order on the girlfriend prior to Jill. We have spoken a few times since the split, and she has expressed she still wants to be together but I am just not so sure it would work out. I do miss her from time to time, but I feel I miss the way things were before we grew apart rather than missing her in the more recent past. It is inevitable that we each will start talking to and taking an interest in members of the opposite sex, and when I consider that , frankly I don't think I can be comfortable with that regardless of the fact that I myself don't currently wish to be romantically involved with her. I tend to beleive that once you have a strong romantic connection with someone, a small peice of them becomes a part of you and lives in you forever. It's that small peice that I think will hurt if I see her dating again, and I don't know whether or not it would be totally rude or disrespectful to eliminate all contact with her. This issue has been somewhat heavy on my thoughts lately, a few times I have went to delete her on facebook only at the last second to choose not to click the delete button for some unknown reason I feel in my gut. I don't quite know what that means, but I'm trying to figure it out. Is it the best thing for both of us if we just walk away and put everything in the hands of fate? Or do we struggle to deal with each other seeing other people? I feel strongly that everything happens for a reason, and that if something is meant to be it will find a way to be so. So that being said....do I cut all ties and throw my cards into the wind, and if we are in fact meant to be together in the long run our paths will cross once again when the timing is right and we have grown as individuals? I guess only one being knows this answer, and it surely isn't me.

thats all for now. until next time
_nick

Oops! Life got in the way for a while

Well, I somehow just remembered it has been AGES since my last blog on here. Things got pretty hectic for a while. I re-read my last posts and I suppose I need to reflect on the goals I wrote about 9 months ago.

As far as the job situation, I got my foot finally in a door. I got called in from a civil service exam I took and now have been working for Erie County as an Engineer's Assistant for 3 months. I am quickly moving around here now... I am due for a raise January 1st, and have an exam in two weeks for a promotion that equates to a $5,000/yr raise.

I fully wanted to enjoy myself this year as I expressed in previous blogs....so I did a few things for myself and spent a little money somewhat frivolously in my young age. Hey! you only live once! I started the year out with one motorcycle and one dirtbike, bought two more motorcycles, enjoyed them, and delivered one of them to its new owner just yesterday. I mostly decided it's time to start "thinning the herd" because I recently piqued interest in getting myself into a house.

As far as Jill, who I spoke optimistically about in january when we started dating, we broke up just a week ago. Things were fantastic the first 4-6 months or so, but she was not very keen on the trip to Europe I had booked and voiced that pretty regularly for about a month or more before I even left. Her attitude changed drastically once I was there and really rubbed me the wrong way. We had a large argument when I came home about it and broke up. A few days later after the air had cleared, we elected to try again because we both wanted it to be the way it was the first 4-6months we were together. Ultimately it didnt seem it was going to work that way without ALOT of effort, so we elected not to waste each other's time.

The trip by the way, was the single GREATEST experience I have ever had. The sights were astounding, and me and my best friend mike made numerous new friends from around the globe. It was fantastic to see builings and sites that I studied in school for architecture up close and personal in the flesh!

So it seems yet another chapter has written itself in this book I call life. I suppose it would be fitting to voice some new personal goals to acheive over the next few months. I would like to eliminate one more motorcycle and get my debt paid off and some money in savings. after the first of the year I am going to get pretty serious about obtaining a house for myself. I never got around to building my kit car beyond the basic frame, but I want to wait for the right donor car to come along to build it with before I go any further with it. Now that things have seemed to come to an end in the relationship department, I think it's time to work on myself and re-evaluate my priorites. Afterall, the best things seem to surface when your not looking.