Well, since Jill and I split, things have been a little crazy. I have picked back up on a lot of things I had stopped doing when we were dating, and it's kinda nice getting back into a groove again. The big issue I seem to be mulling over again and again is the issue of whether or not to keep contact with her. We did get along quite well aside from the differences that drew us apart romantically, and I do in fact still care for her as a person. The thing is, I have never broken up with a girl and been able to stay friends, let alone ever speak to them again. Matter of fact I happen to have a restraining order on the girlfriend prior to Jill. We have spoken a few times since the split, and she has expressed she still wants to be together but I am just not so sure it would work out. I do miss her from time to time, but I feel I miss the way things were before we grew apart rather than missing her in the more recent past. It is inevitable that we each will start talking to and taking an interest in members of the opposite sex, and when I consider that , frankly I don't think I can be comfortable with that regardless of the fact that I myself don't currently wish to be romantically involved with her. I tend to beleive that once you have a strong romantic connection with someone, a small peice of them becomes a part of you and lives in you forever. It's that small peice that I think will hurt if I see her dating again, and I don't know whether or not it would be totally rude or disrespectful to eliminate all contact with her. This issue has been somewhat heavy on my thoughts lately, a few times I have went to delete her on facebook only at the last second to choose not to click the delete button for some unknown reason I feel in my gut. I don't quite know what that means, but I'm trying to figure it out. Is it the best thing for both of us if we just walk away and put everything in the hands of fate? Or do we struggle to deal with each other seeing other people? I feel strongly that everything happens for a reason, and that if something is meant to be it will find a way to be so. So that being said....do I cut all ties and throw my cards into the wind, and if we are in fact meant to be together in the long run our paths will cross once again when the timing is right and we have grown as individuals? I guess only one being knows this answer, and it surely isn't me.
thats all for now. until next time
_nick
On a related note now just days after posting this blog, I went out with a friend, his girlfriend, and her best friend just for fun. Pictures were taken, posted to facebook with us tagged....and shortly thereafter Jill has went so far as to BLOCK me on facebook. This is exactly what I had feared happening. ::sigh::
ReplyDeleteI thought I should update on this once more.... after being blocked, Jill approached me in a phonecall and asked if we could talk. We met up, and ultimately agreed to see each other as friends and see what develops, giving it one last fair shot so to speak. This lasted I would say around 3 weeks time, and ultimately the underlying problems that we were facing from the initial breakup were too great to overcome and we went our seperate ways just after the Thanksgiving holiday. I eliminated all contact with her as I feel that it is just better for both of us that way, as we have given it 3 chances and it became apparent to me that we were just not compatible. This in no way means I do not greatly value the time we shared, I really enjoyed all the good times we had and those are memories that will last a lifetime. I am glad that we gave it second chances, because I can move forward without ever wondering "what if".
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